– oh hi there, I am alive –

Hello blog world and whoever the hell actually reads this. I’ve had about a month long hiatus, for no reason in particular other than being busy, and tired, and then more busy, and more tired. I do not understand how mom bloggers do this frequently and like mom at the same time. In the past month my son has turned 6 and we threw him a lego birthday party so I was busy prepping for that with decor and what not, I hosted Easter for the first time ever, we had Spring Break (my parents took the kids for a few days and the hubs and I had a little getaway in Del Mar, we’ve had doctor appointments, colds, double ear infections, etc, etc, broken dog legs, family quarrels, etc, etc, oh and obviously Disneyland trips!
Between all of that I didn’t feel witty enough to give you actual quality material. I still don’t, but I figured I’d drop in and say HI I AM STILL ALIVE! Just busy!
But as of today I signed up for the gym, where I’ll be able to drop the babes at the daycare for 2 hours, work out for one of them and then maybe get a little me time during the other. Maybe I’ll devote some of that time to entertaining you lovely folks. Or maybe the gym will just help me gain some clarity and be able to better time manage my life? Who knows! Guess we will see. In the meantime here are some pics from the past month to get you by.

Xo, -Married Single Mama

– disneyland, disneyland, disneyland –

  1. I shouldn’t be writing, I should be taking advantage of the fact that the toddler is actually asleep (going on one hour), but I figured if I am going to stick to this blog and be fully committed (well as much as my children and life allow me to be), then I need to sit my ass down and do it (even though I’m not technically sitting because I have banana bread in the oven and my floors are wet and I have yet to move my barstools back to the counter).
  2.  If this post is spacey, then I apologize, but if you are SO annoyed by it don’t read this blog anymore. motherhood = space cadet (I have to pause to adult, ya know like not burn the banana bread, or if the toddler wakes up, or if I finish my coffee and need a refill [unless it’s nighttime and then I must refill the wine glass… duh]).

 

DISNEYLAND!!!!!!

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Yesterday was our third time going since my husband surprised us with our annual passes about a month ago. I LOVE Disneyland, but then again who doesn’t? If you don’t love Disney, do you even have a soul? Especially when you have kids. I mean don’t get me wrong, taking a 5 and 2 year old to Disneyland all the time is super exhausting. The two year old wants to be held the whole time we are in line (only by me), they both want every damn gift in sight (it is the worst having to walk thru a gift shop after getting off a ride, especially if it is my husband getting off of Star Tours), one wants to go do this and the other wants to go do that, and my husband wants to be lackadaisical and wander through the French Quarter (I would love to do that too… SANS KIDS), and then you throw my control freak self in the mix and it is definitely a trying day. But seeing the pure joy it brings to our kids is TOTALLY worth it. The two year old is finally comfortable enough with it being her 3rd time, and actually interacts with the characters and is vocal on the rides. Money well spent? Hell yes!

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Throughout the next year of going I will be sharing my finds and my tips/tricks, if you use them, I hope you’re good at speed walking.

By now if you have read my blogs from the beginning, ya know 5 posts ago, you should know my husband is a chef.. so one of our guilty pleasures is the Disney Food Bucket List that one of my girlfriends shared with me a few weeks ago. So far we have made it through the Clam Chowder Bread Bowl served at Pacific Wharf Café in California Adventure. I love bread, but I am not the biggest soup fan. I did thoroughly enjoy this though and would definitely go back for more one day, right next to the Café is the Pacific Wharf Distribution Co., pair that bread bowl with a Karl Strauss beer and it is perfection! I personally enjoyed the Amber Ale, I did however feel like I was going to explode after eating all the chowder, bread and beer, so maybe don’t head over to any crazy rides afterwards.

The other food bucket list item we have hit is over in Carsland of California Adventure at Sally’s Cozy Cones. The Chili Cone Queso, and the Chicken Verde in a Bread Cone. I had the Chili and the hubs had the Chicken Verde. They were both super enjoyable, definitely filling for me (but I eat like a bird so that means nothing). The chicken verde definitely had a bit more spice to it, but both of us enjoy spice so not a big deal. It got the chefs stamp of approval, so winning!

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That’s all of my finds that I have tried thus far. My list of “to try” is growing by the day, I happened to stumble upon a Brewhouse (by the Monsters Inc. ride in California Adventure) while we were heading out of the park that serves Micheladas with Tecate, and yes I will definitely be trying that next time. They also offer Hard Root Beer Floats, I could definitely enjoy one of those but it won’t be my immediate go-to, maybe one day later on I’ll get to one of those.

Talking about this delicious food has made me hungry, and my banana bread is done so I might as well go indulge a little bit, plus I really should finish the rest of my floors.

Toodles for now!

Xo, -Married Single Mama

 

— we also met Darth Vader yesterday at the Star Wars Launch Bay, my husband geeked out hard so I will leave you with this picture of him being stupidly excited to meet the dark lord —

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– homage to my (chosen) tribe – 

Being genetically related doesn’t make you family. Love, support, trust, sacrifice, honesty, protection, acceptance, security, compromise, gratitude, respect, and loyalty is what makes you family.
This is something I constantly remind myself and my husband; there has never been a lack of love within our genetically related family, but there has been a lack of support, sacrifice, honesty, acceptance, compromise, gratitude, and respect. Which are major components to continuing a loving relationship, love can not be simply reciprocated because it is socially implied that you have to love someone because they’re from the same gene pool. 

We’ve taken this saying and have directly applied it to our life and who we consider our family, it has simplified our lives immensely and has even made our marriage stronger since we no longer bicker about how this family member is doing this and this other family member is doing that.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been completely judgmental of my immediate family, I have a very strong ‘mama bear’ quality that sends me in to extreme protection mode when something happens that I’m like “nope, this is not okay”. I, 98% of the time, have the other person’s best interest at heart when I go in to ‘judgmental, unsupportive, unacceptance, and disrespectful’ mode. The trait that makes it seem insincere, is that I can be completely thoughtless and my radical honesty comes flying out of my mouth without even considering the repercussions. I am not perfect, and I definitely have a lot of foot in mouth moments, my husband can definitely vouch for this. 

The family I am lucky enough to do life with and has chosen to do life with us is absolutely amazing, and yes it’s the family I am doing life with, not just my husband because it takes a tribe to raise tiny humans, and I could not have a more extraordinary tribe.

From my own immediate family (I am extremely lucky to have amazing parents that my kids are obsessed with), to my extremely close friends that I can spill my guts to and only get the utmost support from (I don’t know how I’d get through most days without them and they will always be a giant part of me), to my father in law and his entire family who has welcomed me in to their family as if I were one of their own; a family that I could honestly spend time with (which I have), without even having my husband around because they are my family, with or without him.

Lastly to the most important parts of my tribe, my husband and my kids. As much as I have complained about him and nag the crap out of him and all the amounts of sh!t we have put each other through, he is always going to be my rock and he is an amazing husband and father. 7 days out of the week he’s going to drive me insane, but there’s no one else I would want it to be, I know I can be an absolute crazy person and sometimes it seems like I am completely ungrateful, but please always know I am 110% grateful to you for working your ass off for this family, and for allowing me to stay home and raise these tiny yet sometimes impossible, but absolutely adorable kids. Those babes have definitely made me who I am today, I might be two steps away from a mental institution most of the time, but they are the best parts of me.

Without them I would have clean hair more often than I do, my legs shaved more than once a week, I’d still be a size 2, my home would stay clean, my brain would be less scattered, I wouldn’t be a human jungle gym, I’d actually get ‘me time’, but I wouldn’t want any of that back, because hearing ‘I love you mama’ and having those tiny little baby arms wrapped around my neck and big kisses planted all over me is honestly the best feeling in the world, even if they are big slobbery kisses half the time.
The 2 year old has awoken from her nap now so toodles for today. Hopefully my mom brain has made some sense, but I just wanted to do a quick rant on how important the people that compose my family are. I love you all, and if I don’t say it enough, THANK YOU!!


Love your tribe today, and never take them for granted. 
Xo, -Married Single Mama

– toddler: tiny bipolar human –

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I saw a quote the other day that said “my three year old is basically a walking, talking middle finger to me”. I feel like this could be said about my two year old… Don’t get me wrong, she is wonderful. She is very bright, very coordinated (sometimes I hate this, because she knows it and is like hey watch me jump off the side of this couch and give you a heart attack), she is very empathetic just like my 5 year old, she can be very quirky (more than most 2 year olds), she is a little comedian in her own way, and boy is she ever a pistol. My dad continuously tells me that she is my poetic justice. I’m quietly hoping that this is just my payback now and when she is a teenager it’ll be smooth sailing… right?? hahahaha yeah right. I AM SCREWED. She definitely dances to the beat of her own drum.

Her wake up time is between 5AM and 5:15AM (she is programmed to be in GO mode as soon as she wakes up), regardless if she spent the WHOLE DAMN DAY previously at Disneyland, where she did not nap and went HARD all day. Yeah, that was yesterday and she was up at 5:15AM today. Why, child, WHY?!?!?!

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She is also on this MAJOR mommy only phase. Which I mean, isn’t awful because who doesn’t want their 2 year old literally hanging on them every second of the day? ME. I know I should be cherishing it, but WHO can cherish it while they’re trying to cook their children a nutritious meal and you have a 30lb toddler clawing at your legs and demanding to be picked up and when you yell “no it’s hot, you’ll get a boo boo” they just scream more. So you try to ignore it and it just worsens until you’re momentarily deaf. This even happens when Adam tries to take care of her, like hold her in line at Disneyland, “no, mommy!!!”, or change her diaper, “no, mommy!”, or even refill her drink, “no, mommy!”. God forbid he hug me in front of her, you would think he was murdering me with how she shrieks “NOOOOOO MINE MOMMY!!!!!”.

Even with being hung on every second of the day, she definitely makes me laugh all day long, from grabbing her princesses and twirling around the room with them, or wanting to play dress up and change her gown every other minute, to how she eats (cherry tomatoes: sucks out inside only, pickles: only eats the middle and leaves the skin, quesadilla: peels apart the tortilla and only eats the cheese, grilled cheese: peels apart the bread and only eats the cheese… it could go on), to her naked dance, and so forth. She usually always has a smile on her face, and a can do attitude (even if she can’t do, she is going to try).

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After I took away her “No, MINE” lipstick

She is my full on girly girl and I wouldn’t trade her for the world. Even if she does get in to my makeup and accidentally smear eyebrow liner all over her face, and then when I try to take it away I just get “NO, MINE!” screamed in my face, ya know for the 143rd time that day.

“Putting a two year old to bed who ‘isn’t tired’ is like putting your drunk friend to bed. There’s singing to themselves, requesting water, incoherent babble, crying, some weird yoga poses, hiccups, and then they just pass out.”

Hopefully I make it out of the terrible twos with some sanity left. Otherwise, you may be coming to visit me at the nearest psych ward.

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This “mama, mommy, mom, mama, maaaama, mommmm, mommy, mama, mom, NO MINE, mommy” is out of brain cells to write for the night.

Xo, – Married Single Mama.

– the 5 year old, aka learning experience –

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First let me start off by saying that I don’t know how spectacular this post will be. Hubby is off today (yayyyyyyy partyyyy!! oh wait jk the 2 year old still only wants me, even had a full blown snotty temper tantrum because she wanted me to give her the NOM NOM snack and not daddy. insert eye roll here).

Anyways, I thought I would give each child their own introductory post to give more insight on my day to day and the craziness my household entails. (insert annoying husband sitting down on the couch next to me WATCHING ME TYPE THIS and asks me to put something on the TV for him even though the remote is in between us…. I swear sometimes he is worse than the kids… love you babe!)

The five year old: noun, verb, adjective, all of the above. the five year old the size of a seven year old, wise beyond his years, extremely bright, heart of gold, could probably outdo the energizer bunny, smartass and comic without even knowing it, and my husband and I joke that he is our mathlete not our athlete.

Born 4 days post due date. He was 9lbs 6oz and 21inches long. NATURALLY. EPISIOTOMY.

That’s all the birth part I’ll tell because I could go on and terrify expectant mothers, I’ll save that for another post.

Fast forward to present day and my baby boy will be 6 years old in 2 months. how.did.this.happen.

He is amazing. I literally do not know how I got so lucky to be his mother. True it can be completely exhausting, his brain and his body NEVER stop. I know most moms will say that. BUT HE REALLY NEVER STOPS!! Even if you catch him on the brink of falling asleep, his little feet (which are actually quite huge) are still rubbing against the blankets and he’ll be mumbling to you about some gibberish on how alien tranformers are real or how his brain controls everything in his body, from his lungs filling with air, to pumping blood, to moving his toes, to raising an eyebrow… As I sit and am amazed at the things that fill his brain he will then jump the charts in another direction and claim “my tummy hurts”, “my leg itches”, “this part of my bone in my arm hurts”, etc… insert the whiny/complaining phase here. It drives me crazy. Not jus a little, but actually want to pull my hair out crazy because he had a few months last year where it ended and he wouldn’t complain and then the past 4 months or so have been FULL BLOWN MAGNIFIED WHINING. If you have helpful tricks on how I can get rid of this permanently and without the use of duct tape, then PLEASE tell.

-Besides the whining he’s a wonderful kid, very emotionally in tune with others, if he sees someone crying then he tries to comfort them immediately. I’m always amazed at the amount of empathy a 5 year old can have, I know many grown adults that don’t even know how to empathize with others.

-The best big brother (most of the time – ya know when he isn’t whining and she mimics the whining).

-Incredibly bright, he’s got a photographic memory and catches on to things almost immediately. He once transformed a toy transformer that was an age range of 8+ and Adam and I couldn’t even figure it out (yes I read the directions, they were stupid).

–Mathlete not athlete, so we had him involved in soccer and T-Ball over the past couple years, he was the kid catching butterflies in the outfield or playing with the net while in the goalie box. Maybe one day when he grows in to his size and is a bit more coordinated he will be more interested.

He loves to dance, and has got his own genre of moves. Whether it be to Frank Sinatra, Pharrell, or the Madagascar ‘I like to move it, move it’ song, the kid loves to bust out whenever his heart desires. Especially if there is a mirror around, he inherited my husbands vanity of loving to stare at themselves in the mirror. Even today at school drop off, he climbed in to the front seat while we waited for the gate to be unlocked and asked if he could pull the visor down…. he then continued to stare at himself in the mirror and make silly faces.

—I could probably make this in to an entire novel, but I feel like I’ve probably already made this long enough to lose the interest of some people. There are not enough words, or even any proper English words that can fully describe this spectacular little man that I am lucky enough to be the mama of. He may make me want to pull my hair out on a daily basis, but at least I know he will be there rubbing my back while I cry about having no hair saying “It’s okay mom, I still love you”. —

 

Xo, Married Single Mama

– first I drink the coffee, then I do the things –

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This is how my toddler insisted on riding in the cart at Trader Joes

My hair is currently air drying from the shower I took two hours ago (not because I have thick hair, but because I literally just took it out of the turban towel I’ve had on my head for an hour and a half), I shaved my legs today for the first time in a week, I’ve changed my clothes 3 times thanks to my toddler, I’m on my 3rd cup of coffee at 12pm, I’ve been up since 5:45AM (which is sleeping in for me because said toddler gets up at 5am, but slept in til 6:30 today! No I was awake because my husbands alarm went off and he’s that type that has three alarms set for every few minutes and snoozes each one several mother effing times), I’ve done several loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, gone to Trader Joe’s and Target, picked up the floor in the playroom twice (with the intention of mopping while the 2 year old napped, but I decided that my hairy legs took precedent to having a clean floor), all while feeding the growing 5 and 2 year old 173 snacks, breakfast and lunch (they didn’t really eat that many snacks, they would if I let them have a free for all in the pantry, but they’ve definitely asked for 173 snacks, or in toddler talk “mama nom nom! NOM NOM!!!”)…… I’m also counting down the hours til it’s acceptable for me to pour myself a glass of wine. If your wine time coincides with when you get your school aged child home from school, then we could potentially be best friends. If you also realized that my title for this post is from Gilmore Girls, then we could definitely be best friends.

This post I wanted to point out some of the normal day to day things that I do, not that I go to Target every day (my husband would probably divorce me if I did that). My son had me up at 2:30am this morning because he had a stomach ache, now if you talk to me regularly then you know his stomach ache is something of the norm lately. So I simply pulled him in to bed with us and he went back to sleep, I wasn’t so fortunate so I laid in bed looking at some other mommy blogs on my phone and I stumbled across one that was a single mother who wrote a post a couple years ago on how offended she is by the term “married single parent”. I apologize if I offend single parents by using this term, trust me I praise you for being a single parent and honestly have no idea how you do it. One of my very close friends is a single parent and I think the world of her and the job she is doing to raise her son. Any way back to this other single parent that takes extreme offense because of married people using this term, she claims it casts single parenthood in a negative light. I am definitely not trying to do that in any way, I am simply emphasizing how compound my role as a mother is because I’m alone with my children 90% of the time. I will never dismiss how hard it is to be a single parent, if anything I will buy you a drink and reiterate to you a thousand times that you are a God.

With that said, I started this blog to express myself in a satirical manner to help me cope and learn to be a better ‘married single parent’ for my babes. Also just to jot down the daily wit that spills from the kids mouths, the frustrations I entail with have little to zero adult interaction throughout the entire day, and the all around joys of motherhood. There will be a lot of sass, probably a lot of crying on my part (luckily you won’t have to see that, unless you want to, I mean I won’t mind the company), AND us exploring our new city in Southern California (we’ve been here for almost two months so you’re just joining us for the fun part).

Enjoy the ride, I know I will.

Xo, – The Married Single Mama

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee.. Oh hi there.

Hi! I’m Jen, the married single mama of this site. Most people would eye roll over me saying ‘married single mama’, go right ahead, I don’t care. I have a husband, he’s amazing (he drives me crazy most of the time, but he’s pretty amazing) and we’ve been together for 7 years, married for 6 and have known each other for 10+ years. We have a 5 year old boy (turning 6 in April) and a 2 year old daughter (she thinks she’s 5 too).

I have an extremely short attention span, so fingers crossed that I can actually stick with this blog. (Insert two year old trying to do a flip off the bed here)

Back to the amazing husband. And why I refer to myself as a married single mama. Adam is a chef, for a very large resort property here in Southern California, he’s typically gone by 7am and isn’t home until 8pm/9pm and sometimes 10pm. This is not a set schedule. Most of the time it’s 5 days a week, but it does happen that it’s 6 days a week. His days off aren’t always consecutive, and they’re rarely ever on the weekend. He works his ass off (not literally because it’s actually grown with how much walking and stairs he does at work) for me to be able to be a stay at home mom and raise my two kiddos to be respectable human beings and not add to the asshole population of today’s world. 

Even when he is home, he is constantly attending to emails or texts regarding work, it makes it really hard to be me. The kids view me as their one and only lifeline, it’s “mom I need a drink”, “mom I need a snack”, “mom I need my butt wiped”, “mom my nipple hurts”, the list could go on forever, and happens when I leave them in the room with their dad so I can go pee in peace, or put laundry away without the toddler pulling it all back out of the drawers, or god forbid take a bubble bath. I literally want to scream at the top of my lungs “GO ASK YOUR DAD!!” Which sometimes I do, I’m not going to lie, not at the top of my lungs, but I do lose my shit occasionally. Especially when Adam will be standing in the kitchen and they come to me on the next floor up (or worse, YELL from the floor where the kitchen is) saying they want a snack or drink. It makes me want to march down there hold their eyes open and be like “LOOK, DAD IS RIGHT HERE NEXT TO THE PANTRY AND THE FRIDGE AND HE WILL PROBABLY GIVE YOU SOMETHING LESS HEALTHY THAN I WOULD!” 

Sadly this is all time I have to write today, actually have to go fully do the mom thing because I keep getting princesses thrown at me after she rips their clothes off and wants them back on, also should stop her from hitting her brother because he’s pretending Optimus prime is peeing in her castle.

Toodles for now!

Xo, Married Single Mama