– the 5 year old, aka learning experience –


First let me start off by saying that I don’t know how spectacular this post will be. Hubby is off today (yayyyyyyy partyyyy!! oh wait jk the 2 year old still only wants me, even had a full blown snotty temper tantrum because she wanted me to give her the NOM NOM snack and not daddy. insert eye roll here).

Anyways, I thought I would give each child their own introductory post to give more insight on my day to day and the craziness my household entails. (insert annoying husband sitting down on the couch next to me WATCHING ME TYPE THIS and asks me to put something on the TV for him even though the remote is in between us…. I swear sometimes he is worse than the kids… love you babe!)

The five year old: noun, verb, adjective, all of the above. the five year old the size of a seven year old, wise beyond his years, extremely bright, heart of gold, could probably outdo the energizer bunny, smartass and comic without even knowing it, and my husband and I joke that he is our mathlete not our athlete.

Born 4 days post due date. He was 9lbs 6oz and 21inches long. NATURALLY. EPISIOTOMY.

That’s all the birth part I’ll tell because I could go on and terrify expectant mothers, I’ll save that for another post.

Fast forward to present day and my baby boy will be 6 years old in 2 months. how.did.this.happen.

He is amazing. I literally do not know how I got so lucky to be his mother. True it can be completely exhausting, his brain and his body NEVER stop. I know most moms will say that. BUT HE REALLY NEVER STOPS!! Even if you catch him on the brink of falling asleep, his little feet (which are actually quite huge) are still rubbing against the blankets and he’ll be mumbling to you about some gibberish on how alien tranformers are real or how his brain controls everything in his body, from his lungs filling with air, to pumping blood, to moving his toes, to raising an eyebrow… As I sit and am amazed at the things that fill his brain he will then jump the charts in another direction and claim “my tummy hurts”, “my leg itches”, “this part of my bone in my arm hurts”, etc… insert the whiny/complaining phase here. It drives me crazy. Not jus a little, but actually want to pull my hair out crazy because he had a few months last year where it ended and he wouldn’t complain and then the past 4 months or so have been FULL BLOWN MAGNIFIED WHINING. If you have helpful tricks on how I can get rid of this permanently and without the use of duct tape, then PLEASE tell.

-Besides the whining he’s a wonderful kid, very emotionally in tune with others, if he sees someone crying then he tries to comfort them immediately. I’m always amazed at the amount of empathy a 5 year old can have, I know many grown adults that don’t even know how to empathize with others.

-The best big brother (most of the time – ya know when he isn’t whining and she mimics the whining).

-Incredibly bright, he’s got a photographic memory and catches on to things almost immediately. He once transformed a toy transformer that was an age range of 8+ and Adam and I couldn’t even figure it out (yes I read the directions, they were stupid).

–Mathlete not athlete, so we had him involved in soccer and T-Ball over the past couple years, he was the kid catching butterflies in the outfield or playing with the net while in the goalie box. Maybe one day when he grows in to his size and is a bit more coordinated he will be more interested.

He loves to dance, and has got his own genre of moves. Whether it be to Frank Sinatra, Pharrell, or the Madagascar ‘I like to move it, move it’ song, the kid loves to bust out whenever his heart desires. Especially if there is a mirror around, he inherited my husbands vanity of loving to stare at themselves in the mirror. Even today at school drop off, he climbed in to the front seat while we waited for the gate to be unlocked and asked if he could pull the visor down…. he then continued to stare at himself in the mirror and make silly faces.

—I could probably make this in to an entire novel, but I feel like I’ve probably already made this long enough to lose the interest of some people. There are not enough words, or even any proper English words that can fully describe this spectacular little man that I am lucky enough to be the mama of. He may make me want to pull my hair out on a daily basis, but at least I know he will be there rubbing my back while I cry about having no hair saying “It’s okay mom, I still love you”. —


Xo, Married Single Mama

– first I drink the coffee, then I do the things –

This is how my toddler insisted on riding in the cart at Trader Joes

My hair is currently air drying from the shower I took two hours ago (not because I have thick hair, but because I literally just took it out of the turban towel I’ve had on my head for an hour and a half), I shaved my legs today for the first time in a week, I’ve changed my clothes 3 times thanks to my toddler, I’m on my 3rd cup of coffee at 12pm, I’ve been up since 5:45AM (which is sleeping in for me because said toddler gets up at 5am, but slept in til 6:30 today! No I was awake because my husbands alarm went off and he’s that type that has three alarms set for every few minutes and snoozes each one several mother effing times), I’ve done several loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, gone to Trader Joe’s and Target, picked up the floor in the playroom twice (with the intention of mopping while the 2 year old napped, but I decided that my hairy legs took precedent to having a clean floor), all while feeding the growing 5 and 2 year old 173 snacks, breakfast and lunch (they didn’t really eat that many snacks, they would if I let them have a free for all in the pantry, but they’ve definitely asked for 173 snacks, or in toddler talk “mama nom nom! NOM NOM!!!”)…… I’m also counting down the hours til it’s acceptable for me to pour myself a glass of wine. If your wine time coincides with when you get your school aged child home from school, then we could potentially be best friends. If you also realized that my title for this post is from Gilmore Girls, then we could definitely be best friends.

This post I wanted to point out some of the normal day to day things that I do, not that I go to Target every day (my husband would probably divorce me if I did that). My son had me up at 2:30am this morning because he had a stomach ache, now if you talk to me regularly then you know his stomach ache is something of the norm lately. So I simply pulled him in to bed with us and he went back to sleep, I wasn’t so fortunate so I laid in bed looking at some other mommy blogs on my phone and I stumbled across one that was a single mother who wrote a post a couple years ago on how offended she is by the term “married single parent”. I apologize if I offend single parents by using this term, trust me I praise you for being a single parent and honestly have no idea how you do it. One of my very close friends is a single parent and I think the world of her and the job she is doing to raise her son. Any way back to this other single parent that takes extreme offense because of married people using this term, she claims it casts single parenthood in a negative light. I am definitely not trying to do that in any way, I am simply emphasizing how compound my role as a mother is because I’m alone with my children 90% of the time. I will never dismiss how hard it is to be a single parent, if anything I will buy you a drink and reiterate to you a thousand times that you are a God.

With that said, I started this blog to express myself in a satirical manner to help me cope and learn to be a better ‘married single parent’ for my babes. Also just to jot down the daily wit that spills from the kids mouths, the frustrations I entail with have little to zero adult interaction throughout the entire day, and the all around joys of motherhood. There will be a lot of sass, probably a lot of crying on my part (luckily you won’t have to see that, unless you want to, I mean I won’t mind the company), AND us exploring our new city in Southern California (we’ve been here for almost two months so you’re just joining us for the fun part).

Enjoy the ride, I know I will.

Xo, – The Married Single Mama

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee.. Oh hi there.

Hi! I’m Jen, the married single mama of this site. Most people would eye roll over me saying ‘married single mama’, go right ahead, I don’t care. I have a husband, he’s amazing (he drives me crazy most of the time, but he’s pretty amazing) and we’ve been together for 7 years, married for 6 and have known each other for 10+ years. We have a 5 year old boy (turning 6 in April) and a 2 year old daughter (she thinks she’s 5 too).

I have an extremely short attention span, so fingers crossed that I can actually stick with this blog. (Insert two year old trying to do a flip off the bed here)

Back to the amazing husband. And why I refer to myself as a married single mama. Adam is a chef, for a very large resort property here in Southern California, he’s typically gone by 7am and isn’t home until 8pm/9pm and sometimes 10pm. This is not a set schedule. Most of the time it’s 5 days a week, but it does happen that it’s 6 days a week. His days off aren’t always consecutive, and they’re rarely ever on the weekend. He works his ass off (not literally because it’s actually grown with how much walking and stairs he does at work) for me to be able to be a stay at home mom and raise my two kiddos to be respectable human beings and not add to the asshole population of today’s world. 

Even when he is home, he is constantly attending to emails or texts regarding work, it makes it really hard to be me. The kids view me as their one and only lifeline, it’s “mom I need a drink”, “mom I need a snack”, “mom I need my butt wiped”, “mom my nipple hurts”, the list could go on forever, and happens when I leave them in the room with their dad so I can go pee in peace, or put laundry away without the toddler pulling it all back out of the drawers, or god forbid take a bubble bath. I literally want to scream at the top of my lungs “GO ASK YOUR DAD!!” Which sometimes I do, I’m not going to lie, not at the top of my lungs, but I do lose my shit occasionally. Especially when Adam will be standing in the kitchen and they come to me on the next floor up (or worse, YELL from the floor where the kitchen is) saying they want a snack or drink. It makes me want to march down there hold their eyes open and be like “LOOK, DAD IS RIGHT HERE NEXT TO THE PANTRY AND THE FRIDGE AND HE WILL PROBABLY GIVE YOU SOMETHING LESS HEALTHY THAN I WOULD!” 

Sadly this is all time I have to write today, actually have to go fully do the mom thing because I keep getting princesses thrown at me after she rips their clothes off and wants them back on, also should stop her from hitting her brother because he’s pretending Optimus prime is peeing in her castle.

Toodles for now!

Xo, Married Single Mama