– toddler: tiny bipolar human –

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I saw a quote the other day that said “my three year old is basically a walking, talking middle finger to me”. I feel like this could be said about my two year old… Don’t get me wrong, she is wonderful. She is very bright, very coordinated (sometimes I hate this, because she knows it and is like hey watch me jump off the side of this couch and give you a heart attack), she is very empathetic just like my 5 year old, she can be very quirky (more than most 2 year olds), she is a little comedian in her own way, and boy is she ever a pistol. My dad continuously tells me that she is my poetic justice. I’m quietly hoping that this is just my payback now and when she is a teenager it’ll be smooth sailing… right?? hahahaha yeah right. I AM SCREWED. She definitely dances to the beat of her own drum.

Her wake up time is between 5AM and 5:15AM (she is programmed to be in GO mode as soon as she wakes up), regardless if she spent the WHOLE DAMN DAY previously at Disneyland, where she did not nap and went HARD all day. Yeah, that was yesterday and she was up at 5:15AM today. Why, child, WHY?!?!?!

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She is also on this MAJOR mommy only phase. Which I mean, isn’t awful because who doesn’t want their 2 year old literally hanging on them every second of the day? ME. I know I should be cherishing it, but WHO can cherish it while they’re trying to cook their children a nutritious meal and you have a 30lb toddler clawing at your legs and demanding to be picked up and when you yell “no it’s hot, you’ll get a boo boo” they just scream more. So you try to ignore it and it just worsens until you’re momentarily deaf. This even happens when Adam tries to take care of her, like hold her in line at Disneyland, “no, mommy!!!”, or change her diaper, “no, mommy!”, or even refill her drink, “no, mommy!”. God forbid he hug me in front of her, you would think he was murdering me with how she shrieks “NOOOOOO MINE MOMMY!!!!!”.

Even with being hung on every second of the day, she definitely makes me laugh all day long, from grabbing her princesses and twirling around the room with them, or wanting to play dress up and change her gown every other minute, to how she eats (cherry tomatoes: sucks out inside only, pickles: only eats the middle and leaves the skin, quesadilla: peels apart the tortilla and only eats the cheese, grilled cheese: peels apart the bread and only eats the cheese… it could go on), to her naked dance, and so forth. She usually always has a smile on her face, and a can do attitude (even if she can’t do, she is going to try).

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After I took away her “No, MINE” lipstick

She is my full on girly girl and I wouldn’t trade her for the world. Even if she does get in to my makeup and accidentally smear eyebrow liner all over her face, and then when I try to take it away I just get “NO, MINE!” screamed in my face, ya know for the 143rd time that day.

“Putting a two year old to bed who ‘isn’t tired’ is like putting your drunk friend to bed. There’s singing to themselves, requesting water, incoherent babble, crying, some weird yoga poses, hiccups, and then they just pass out.”

Hopefully I make it out of the terrible twos with some sanity left. Otherwise, you may be coming to visit me at the nearest psych ward.

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This “mama, mommy, mom, mama, maaaama, mommmm, mommy, mama, mom, NO MINE, mommy” is out of brain cells to write for the night.

Xo, – Married Single Mama.